It’s been quiet here, and if that has given you cause to worry, I am sorry. There is a reason for my silence, and unfortunately it is my health going sour once again.
Once upon a time, I discussed my heart condition here and then saw it becoming its own cyclonic beast, inspiring me to move house to a congenital heart defect specific blog. I lost momentum for that, mostly because it depressed me and drained a lot of my energy discussing my health so bombastically.
However, this course of action sanitized Glass of Win from the realities of my life; realities that are now too big to brush under the guise of guest posts and empty apologies. If you don’t want to read about my health and life, by all means, wait until the next post. I don’t mind.
So, let’s just go with the cut and dry version of this story.
Back in October, my pacemaker was swapped out for a new one – the battery, anyway. The surgeon went against my advice to have a lateral incision, favoring opening my pre-existing vertical scar – already opened four times. The surgery was a success and I healed up a lot faster than I initially thought I would.
Or did I?
Around January, I noticed a strange growth poking around where my bra rests under my tits. The top end of the scar (the part that was opened for this recent surgery) was still a bit colored, not fading to white as the rest of it had. My clothes weren’t fitting correctly, wearing a bra became painful. The protrusion became bigger, and after a CT scan turned up zilch, I went in to have TEAM RACHAEL! look at it.
It’s a hernia.
What is a hernia? Weakened muscle, worn and torn from a variety of causes, but mine is mostly attributed to too much poking around in one spot along with fluctuating weight.
In my mind, hernias have always been associated with older people who never took care of their bodies, like my dad. It was nearly inconceivable to think I would develop one – but after understanding what a hernia actual is, it makes sense. It’s also not uncommon for heart patients like me with multiple surgeries under their belt to develop hernias.
Well, the long and short of it is – another surgery. A mesh will be secured to the muscle and a life of obsessing over my weight in a near unhealthy fashion, if the ill-bedside mannered surgeon I spoke with today has anything to do with it.
Now, when will this surgery take place is the real question. I honestly do not have six to eight weeks just sitting around waiting to be taken up by healing at home. For being unemployed, I’m actually quite busy. I have three weddings between May – August, not to mention maid of honor duties and house/dog sitting duties in June. Unless it were scheduled for next week, this surgery has to be postponed until September. Which is annoying as hell, considering the hernia has obstructed my ability to fit into my clothes – including my maid of honor dress; I don’t imagine David’s Bridal Wear to be a very forgiving company on exchanges.
So this week was filled up with a special sort of misery specifically reserved for medical drama, and I couldn’t fake being excited over the marginal silver linings of this week. My life is being derailed once more. Although maybe this is my main life – and the derailment is when life moves smoothly with no complications? I haven’t quite figured that part out.
Either way, this is what is going on and why I have been extremely quiet. I’m uncomfortable being seen as fragile or weak, of being pitied and avoided simply because my health is scary and confusing. However, I’m trying tp push myself out of my shell in the effort to connect with my readers and keep them informed.
So, what is on the horizon for Glass of Win? Well, I have a healthy pile of material, for both the blog and my Youtube Channel. It’ll all trickle in as my energy and mood stabilizes.
That’s all. Thanks for listening.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled blogging.