Deviled eggs are so painfully easy that I thought I might not post the recipe after all, but then I realized that this was the perfect gateway to finally share my homemade mayonnaise with everyone. So, before we even begin I’m going to ask that you walk into your kitchen, open your refrigerator and chuck out whatever nasty shit that’s been masquerading as mayonnaise.
I’ll wait.

Great, now that task is out of the way we’re going to prepare with the mayonnaise recipe first. This can be made up to 2 days ahead.

Homemade Mayonnaise

ingredients
1 large egg yolk
1 1/2-2tsp teaspoons lemon juice (see note)
1 teaspoon white wine vinegar
1/2 teaspoon Dijon mustard (see note)
1/2 teaspoon salt
3/4 cup canola oil, divided into 1/4 and 1/2 measuring cups

In a medium bowl, whisk up the egg yolk, lemon juice, vinegar, Dijon and 1/2 tsp salt. Whisk very well. Color should be bright yellow.

Using 1/4 teaspoon measure and whisking constantly, add the 1/4 cup oil to yolk mixture.
Gradually add remaining 1/2 cup oil in very slow thin stream, whisking constantly, until mayonnaise is thick. Should taken roughly 8 minutes. The mayonnaise will have lightened in color.
Cover and chill.

Notes:
- The original recipe suggest only 1/4 tsp of Dijon but I use the scrumptious stuff from Trader Joe’s which has a more subtle flavor. If your favorite Dijon packs a powerful punch, feel free to reduce it to 1/4 tsp. I tried to make this with some other grocery store brand and hated the way it came out. Dijon is a very personal thing!
- When using store bought lemon juice I suggest going to 2tsp.
- Feel free to puss out and use your hand mixer/blender for this.

Deviled Eggs

You’ll Need
1 dozen eggs
1/2 cup Homemade mayonnaise (derp)
Dijon mustard
lemon juice
garlic powder
onion powder
fresh oregano, finely chopped
fresh chives, finely chopped with some reeds set aside for garnish
mustard powder
pepper (it don’t matter if you’re black or white, baby)
pinch of salt
paprika

Hard boil your eggs. I don’t care how you do it; I have a machine that does my egg boiling bidding. Immediately after the eggs are done cooking put them in a pot of cold water. Pat dry, set them in a large bowl and stick them in the fridge until completely cooled.
When they’re chilled, peel away the shells (you may have to then lightly rinse off the eggs to get ride of excess shell) and then halve them lengthwise and empty the yolks into a large bowl. Set aside the whites.
Using a fork, mash all of the yolks.
Mix in the mayonnaise
Start to liven up the filling with your seasoning ~ tradition dictates some Dijon (up to 1 tsp) and lemon juice (1tsp). I never measure my seasoning for this kind of thing – it’s really all to taste.

When it’s all mashed up nice and you’ve got the flavor you want, set it aside for a moment.

Grab a plastic sandwich bag (at least quart sized) and scoop all of the egg mixture into it. Seal it up, twist it ’round like a fancy-ass pastry bag, snip off a little triangular piece of the bag’s corner and, gently squeezing, fill your empty egg “boats” back up.
Sprinkle with paprika and stick in shoots of chives for garnish.

Now go impress the shit out of everyone around you with your fancy schmancy eggs.