Glass of Win

Sweet Dreams, a stop-motion animated short by Kirsten Lepore, won the Art of Film Award at the Young Directors Night LACMA. Congratulations, Kirsten!

I am a nostalgic Nancy, however, so the video that appeals to my inner child trumps any award-winner:

New goal in life: Provide voice talent for a Kirsten Lepore stop-motion short! Seeing this has inspired me to ask for a LACMA Active+Muse membership for my birthday this year.

Related Links
Kirsten Lepore
LACMA (Los Angeles County Museum of Art)

When I’m worried and I can’t sleep
I count my blessings instead of sheep
And I fall asleep counting my blessings
When my bankroll is getting small
I think of when I had none at all
And I fall asleep counting my blessings
– Bing Crosby

Do you ever wake up with too much commotion in your brain; as if your neurons had a total freak out, turning all of your brain noise into self-deprecating anxiety?
When my brain does this, it will start tallying off a most unhelpful list of negative irrationalities such as “You don’t write as well as this blogger, so why bother?” or “Even if you do eventually get your book transcribed, it’s so disorderly you’ll never edit it adequately enough to submit it” or “Your art sucks, who would buy it, even for charity?”

Way to be supportive, brain!

This kind of thinking extends to numerous aspects of our lives, and can leave our previously motivated self stuck in our pajamas, cowering under the covers, life on complete standstill in self-loathing and fear, getting nothing done, except for further self belittlement.

It’s time to cast those irrational thoughts to the wind and get back on track to positive thinking and self-love!

The first step is to work your way backward in the thought process, trudging through all of those nasty thoughts of self-hate until you find yourself at the first irrational, negative thought and then ask yourself,

Self, do I have a true, honest to goodness, logical reason for thinking these terrible thoughts about myself?

99.9% of the time? No.

Move forward again, thought by thought, and spin positives alongside the rationalization, reminding yourself of all of your blessings.

Count what is going well for you in life, make a list, tack it up somewhere that you will see it every day (mirror is an excellent place because you can look at your gorgeous self and be reminded what a wonderful person you are).

Mine, for instance, looks something like this:

I’m lucky to even have time and resources to devote to any number of creative projects.

I may not have a lot of energy, I often need a nap during the day, but at least I have a loving, supportive family that keeps a roof over my head so I can rest when I need to.

My country may be deeply flawed, but at least certain systems keep me alive by helping with my most vital medical expenses.

I may not be the best writer to many, but I have proven to be somewhat entertaining and a competent storyteller to some.

I may not have fame (yet), but I have friends who love me and want to spend their precious time with me.

I may not have been born with the greatest health, but I was born and I am still here to enjoy everything life has to offer. Not to mention, I have the best medical team government-issued insurance can buy! Joking aside, they truly are the best cardiac team working ’round the clock saving lives or figuring out how to keep their beloved patients alive.

Don’t get caught up worrying about how “big” or “small” the items on your list are. Never mind about tangibility, either, because often times our greatest assets are immeasurable and only visible through our actions.

Don’t stop at a list; decorate your mirror, your door, closet, or bulletin board with images, magazine cut-outs, photographs and words that inspire you and generate positive thoughts and creative ideas.

Gala Darling suggests obtaining a totem, a physical object to carry with you and serve as a reminder of your radical self-love and positive thinking. Jess has hers, plus a motto!

When we focus on our fortunes rather than our failings, we are empowering ourselves to take charge of our day, crawl out from under the covers, get out of our pajamas and start letting ourselves live and love.

image source source

you are never too old to have a slumber party with your BFFs

I am going on eighteen months strong of being unemployed. Granted, this was a momentous decision on my part because I decided to leave the field of work I had pigeon-holed myself in for over a decade. A lot of it was very rewarding, but for my health and sanity I had to step away permanently. Unemployment and trying to Make It On My Own has had its ups and downs – the upside being the freedom for creative projects, the downside being the serious hit to my finances.

I budget and take extra caution when spending on anything unnecessary, but I also know that I can’t hole myself away and deny myself a little fun every now and again, especially when I’m going out with the girl-friends. I just have to be wiser about it and be fully conscientious that I cannot spend as willy-nilly as I had previously been able. Here are eleven ways to make unemployment FUNemployment and have a rockin’ time with the girl-friends.

Do a little digging on websites like Yelp and find out which bars/restaurants have the best happy hour deals. Which days will a restaurant have more bang for your buck? Which establishments don’t charge for meal sharing? If they serve big portions, make sure to grab the leftovers and stretch the meal. Check your favorite bar/restaurants websites to see if they’re on Twitter, Myspace or Facebook since they may have deals strictly for their followers/friends/fans.

Have a girls night in! Movie night with popcorn and other snacks, or chip in together for pizza. Better yet, make it a slumber party and play games like truth or dare, or give each other make overs, new hair styles and manicures.

Pack a picnic for an outing to the park.

Google or call all of the local museums and find out which day is the most inexpensive. Many museums have deals in their late afternoon hours or one day a week or month that is free or discounted entry such as every Thursday from 5pm-8pm is free at Museum of Contemporary Art in Los Angeles. Discover smaller art galleries in your city, like Gallery Nucleus in my neighborhood.

au revoir simone enjoys a day at the museum of art

Find your local discount theater for cheaper movie outings.

Change up the retail therapy bonding sessions by swapping the mall and other big, all-too-tempting retail outlets for thrift stores, flea markets, swap meets, and used bookstores.

Start a book club with your friends! (not-so-secret secret: borrowing books from the library is free!)

Have a game night with boardgames and/or cards. You’ll be amazed how much fun a good game of Apples to Apples is.

Toast to friendship; it’s stronger and lasts longer than unemployment

Forget that expensive bar tab; have the girls raid their own booze stash and head on over to Mixology to play bartender. If anyone has a little too much, they can stay safe by crashing on your couch. You won’t draw on her forehead…much.

If you do have a little cash flow and have been itching for a girls getaway, think about traveling off season, buy group discount tickets and sign up for fabulous programs like Couch Surfing or think about farm/home stays. Blogs like Yes and Yes are very well-versed with travel advice.

Throw an Unemployment party with all of your other unemployed pals. Have a clothes/household items/recipe swap, a cooking/baking party and make it a potluck! Making it a sewing adventure by taking scraps of nearly bit-the-dust clothes and patching them onto clothes that still have a bit of life in them. People will think you paid a fortune for that designer ‘patch’ look.

Remember that quality friendship is about enjoying the time, not the money, you spend with one another. Take comfort in the knowledge and security that you have each other in these trying moments of our lives.

Further Reading
100 Free Things to do in Los Angeles
100 Free (or nearly) things to do in D.C.
100 Free things to do in New York City
Free things to do in London
Free Europe.com

images source source source. Thanks, spicy, for help with the title!

only a portion of the letters I’ve saved

One of my aunts recently came across three boxes filled with precious documents from our relatives passed; photos, official documents, and most of all, letters. Yesterday I began a new segment in my blog, writing open letters to my heart. I typically feature stationery of some kind on my Shopaholic Saturday segment. I also briefly mentioned letter-writing as a way to keep up with friends when you feel you are losing touch with them. By now you are sensing that I have a deep fondness for the art of letter writing, aren’t you?

Though I developed a fondness for written expression early on in life, it was out of necessity that I had to use this skill for communication purposes because my family moved from Pennsylvania back out to California when I was eleven, separating my best friend and I. Over the course of several years we kept a steady stream of letters, telling one another about important events going on in our lives, funny family tidbits, drawing pictures of original comics and characters we had created together (because I had decided to be a serious writer of great and awesome novels by then, so visual aides were most helpful in these pre-production years), quoting our favorite movies and naming favorite characters in the margins and decorating every free inch with stickers. Our letter writing tapered off by high school because by then we both had access to the INTERNET! and the INTERNET! was an awesome force with which we could use not only to communication with one another, but hundreds of people from all over the planet, and discover the wonders of hotlinking, fanfiction, and virtual pets. Communication suddenly became FASTER, BETTER, EASIER! as KD’s life became filled with band, theater, boys and friends, and mine became filled with fandom, html, instant messaging and boys, the convenience of the INTERNET! took precedence over snail mail. Not completely, however, as the few long distant significant others I had during this time and I exchanged page after page of sentiment, and new friendships were forged and sealed with the start up of more letters, a sign you had truly become one of my friends as I don’t waste cute stationery and postage on just anyone.

a fraction of my stationery

I’ve often been asked if I believe email and the INTERNET! has been the downfall of letter writing. No, not really. People who were never interested in writing letters or did not engage in casual written communication in the first place were probably never going to get into it either way. If they’re merely the former, email has probably been a wonderful platform for them to use to get in touch with loved ones. If they’re the latter, they’re probably not so keen at keeping up with emails, either.

Why I prefer the art of letter writing, and what I feel is lost but rarely spoken upon when comparing virtual communication vs. letters (as most critics of email oft remark on the deterioration of language) is the keepsake part of it, the token of the actual physical letter. They remind us of a particular person, and a particular moment in our lives. Each one of the letters and postcards I received are special to me in their own unique way. I still possess all of the letters my first grade class sent to me whilst I was away at the hospital for my second (or third?) open-heart surgery. They’re written on that brown, five-lined rectangular paper often found in lower elementary grades, each containing those first efforts of written empathy. My favorite is, naturally, KD’s because she drew a yellow My Little Pony on the back. Quickly following in second is a letter from a kid named Matt Piazza, who wrote “I like you because you share your markers with me. Get well soon.”
Don’t worry, I was back in school in no time and Matt never went without access to my markers again.

Postcards from New Zealand, Syria, India, New Mexico, Easter Islands, New Orleans, Bass Lake, England and Tasmania alongside other mementos on my board.

While writing letters has never gone out of style for me, it does temporarily ebbs sometimes while I lose track of time, caught up in my own affairs, until finally one day I have a moment to rest, my brain able to relax, and my ego calm enough to stop thinking about myself and suddenly realize I have not been in touch with several friends for many moons. Oh, dear. Time to break out the stamps and set some time out to reconnect.

Letter writing only takes four ingredients:
Someone to write to.
Several paragraphs containing coherent complete sentences, preferably containing some sort of details about your goings on, musings and of course, the polite inquiry of your addressee’s health and news.
Stationery designed to your liking.
Postage.

At the very least, have some blank thank you cards lying around to use at the obligatory events in our life that require an expression of emotions and often produce a gift. Finding the right stationery is also key. I’m a big fan of the Sanrio kind – Chi Chai Monchan and Little Twin Stars being my favorite. There is also a plethora of unique, handmade designs on Etsy. Alternatively, make your own stationery! Use a template for a software program, or find a tutorial for a little more creative freedom.
Having the tools is half the battle – having the appropriately designed tools fit to your personal taste is even better. A reliable pen, a steady stream of conversation from your brain to your writing hand and you’re good as gold.

Letters are a memento; they are a window into your life. You can read them and remember the person you were then, not to mention future generations will have a better glimpse at the person you were. I may be slightly saccharine about this, and just a touch fantastical, but I honestly see letters as tiny fragments of immortality. Letters keep a certain part of us alive.

For this reason, for the love of my friends, family, and adorable, slightly obnoxious stationary, I continue my letter writing.

QUESTION: Do you enjoy writing letters?

A new year means it’s time to take a step back and reexamine our lives. Are we where we want to be in life, or at least are we on our way there? Just as it is important to evaluate the path we are on it is vital to evaluate the relationships we carry with us on our path. Let 2010 be the year that you endeavor to assure that all of the relationships you are involved in are mutually positive, healthy and respectful. For each relationship you have – be it with a significant other, a family member, or friend – ask yourself the following questions:

1) How do I feel when I spend time with this person?
2) How do I feel before and after spending time with this person?
3) Does this person only make contact when they are in trouble or need to vent?
4) Does this person only contact me when they are in need of some sort of expertise I possess?
5) Does this person make themselves available when I need their companionship?
6) Is this person filled with passive-aggressiveness and/or put-downs?
7) What do I get out of this relationship?

Let’s elaborate:

1) How do I feel when I spend time with this person?

Do you constantly feel like you are on eggshells when you are around this person, as if you cannot truly be yourself least this person argues or belittles you? There is a big difference between minding your manners versus completely suppressing your personality for the sake of keeping “peace” in a relationship. That’s not peacekeeping; it’s a hostile hostage situation and not even Batman can rescue you. If this person cannot handle thoughts/views/opinions that differ from their own and are leaving you in a constant state of nervous vigilance, it is time to call forth your inner hostage negotiator and get yourself out of this emotional/psychological landmine.

2) How do I feel before and after spending time with this person?

The prospect of hanging out with your companion should not give you feelings of dread, nor should your instinctive reaction to chilling with your would-be pal be a plethora of made-up excuses to evade them. Wishing for a natural disaster, zombie apocalypse, or a swift and sudden illness that just so happens to hit on the date of your set hang out time should not outweigh the desire to spend time with your friend. Upon concluding your visit, how do you feel? Like you’ve been sucker-punched, drained quicker of your energy than a victim extra on Buffy? If thoughts of, “Oh, boy, I hope they lose my number and forget I exist!” prevail over thoughts of, “Man, I can’t wait to see him/her again! What a great time!” It’s definitely time to estimate the value of keeping this person in your life.

3) Does this person only make contact when they are in trouble or need to vent?

A very common pitfall, one to check ourselves and self-evaluate with every now and then. We get so caught up in our busy, busy lives that we’re unaware of negative patterns we’re creating with our friends when we only use them as a shoulder, an ear, a wall or bail outs. The occasional “OMG, Becky! You won’t believe this!” phone call should always be welcomed, but when the friendship has been reduced to a never-ending cycle of “FML” phone calls it’s time to throw your chum a life saver.
If you’re wary of a pal that’s fallen into this pattern, see if you can’t break them out of it by calling them up and setting up a drama-free day to hang out. If they take you up on it, follow through and everything goes honky-dory, chances are you are giving them a big, helpful push into putting the pieces of your friendship back together. Make sure to end the day with a follow-up schedule in the form of a call or letter to subconsciously remind your mate how much fun you two had.

4) Does this person only contact me when they are in need of some sort of expertise I possess?

Similar to above, this mate only wants to ring you up when they need your car, clothes, alibi, hacksaw, or frighteningly impressive knowledge on forensic & cadaver decay (Hey, that CSI: Miami fanfic ain’t gonna write itself and wouldn’t you know it, someone who calls you a friend just so happens to be a medical examiner). This problem poses the same answer as above: call them up for an unrelated hang out. If they take you up on it, there’s hope, if they constantly dodge you, it’s time to label this friendship D.O.A.

5) Does this person make themselves available when I need them?

Relationships are a two-way street, tit for tat and all that. It’s easy enough to have friendships when it suits our needs, but when you want a little companionship, and there is no tangible incentive for the other party to give you their time/energy, your friend is nowhere to be found. When is it genuine friendlessness VS. being busy?
Being busy can only be an excuse for so long – weigh it against how long you’ve known your friend, the quality of the relationship up to the point when you first suspected you were driving on One-Way Friend Lane, when was the last time they were there for you versus you for them, your effort to maintain said relationship, what changes have come into their lives recently and do a little math work. If cutting ‘em a little slack is in order, you ought to be able to have a frank talk about your friendship. Get your day planners out and make some time with one another. However, if you realize promised returned emails/calls turned empty results, excuses aren’t lining up with facts, it’s probably time to switch gears and find a new route.

6) Is this person filled with passive-aggressiveness and/or put-downs?

Use a bit of your Google-Fu and read up on ‘passive-aggressive behavior’ or ‘examples’. Sound like anyone you may know? Is your chum always putting you down, especially when you’ve got some positive in your life? Their inability to communicate and feel happy for someone they call a friend/family/lover is a major warning signal and it is time to hit the emergency eject button. They may be aware of the control-freak, confidence-crushing behavior they’re putting on you or not, but either way, if they refuse to even recognize these negative, soul-sucking traits in themselves, you cannot force them to change, no matter how much you love them. Putting your own health first is key. If you can’t keep yourself healthy and forward-thinking, how can you be there for the people you love and who truly love you?

7) What do I get out of this relationship?

Every relationship you have should be comprised of co-operation to ensure healthy, positive life. What you should “get out of” a relationship is not something material, but feelings of love, respect and happiness.
You deserve that.
Why settle for apathy, or worse, misery, when you deserve so much more? It isn’t selfish or greedy to want respect and happiness in a relationship, it’s normal and recommended to be at the top of your standards list. If you are struck with the realization that you had duped yourself into thinking you were participating in a co-operative relationship when in fact you have been playing host to some parasitic force, it is definitely time for a serious delousing.

Do you feel like Andre here does every time you think about spending time with your so-called friend?

Staking energy-vampires in the nicest way possible

So, you’ve decided to end a relationship, huh? You’ve done everything within your power, but without the give/take and willingness of the other party to pitch in, or the failure to recognize the problem(s) in the first place, it’s time to pull the plug. Congratulations! I would say I am sorry for your loss (of your time, that is), but really, I’m just too excited for your prospects of future relationships!

If your “pal” is already halfway out the proverbial door of the relationship anyway, all you have to do is learn to stop making the wasted effort and end things quietly by not chasing after them (or the illusion of friendship). Some people just grow apart, it happens.

If a more face-to-face effort has to be made, make sure it’s in a neutral, open-but-secluded place like a cozy corner of a park. Don’t you use the accusatory “You” (“You don’t respect me, you ignore me and belittle me.”) Tell them your feelings from the “I” perspective (“I don’t feel respected, I feel that I am being deliberately shut-out and oftentimes, I feel belittled.”) When you bring the conversation back to yourself, there is a better chance of their defenses being down as they won’t just hear “YOU YOU YOU” and feel attacked. Even if you had talked to them previously, now that a finale is actually here, it may wake them up enough that they offer to work on the relationship.

Re: above. If you are determined to end it, however, end it. Stick to your guns and be strong. Get away for a little while if you need to, or even hibernate and distract yourself with some new projects.

However tempting it might be to vent, and however life force-leeching your former friend may have been, do not talk mad trash about them; especially to mutual friends and on the internet! You’ll sound bitter and if they’re already an Academy Award-worthy actor at playing the victim, they’ll only look more compelling when they can use your harsh words to induce drama.

Never mourn the loss of your relationship/time for more than a minute per year. It’s time to look forward, not back.

Acknowledge that people can change, and if down the line of life your former companion tries to get in touch and offers an olive branch and promises of a renewed effort it may be worth your while to give them a second go. Ask around if they keep in touch with people whose opinions you trust, just be sure to take things slow and stay vigilant for any old familiar warning signs. On the flip side, some people are just incapable of change and best to keep your separate ways. Listen to your instinct.

Annie & I engaging in co-operative competitiveness

May all of your relationships be healthy, and full of respect, fun, and love!

QUESTION: How do you handle energy-vampires and relationships turned sour?

I normally take Thursdays off to get a breather between posts, but this is an important day so I made an exception.

Starting a new year gives many people opportunity to start afresh, to take a step back, reexamine their lives and regroup their direction. However, with this opportunity comes overwhelming pressure to DO IT RITE THIS TIME I SWEARS! At least, this is how I feel.
Generally, I am on the same roller coaster ride every year:
I am stoked for the new year, because that means I can shed the previous year like unwanted skin (ew, visual) and go forth with BIGGER! and BETTER! ideas that will surely, surely come to fruition this year, because this year is MY year, it has to be! I’ve never been more determined, more driven, or with more tools to set out and accomplish everything I’ve ever wanted to accomplish – in love, personal image and growth, friendships, independence, and career!

I typically start out on a major high and actually make a valiant effort to obtain these goals, but invariably, I do too much too soon, become overwhelmed, and when a crisis eventually comes my way, I threaten to commit myself under my bed and completely loose focus on all of the positive things I had going for me.
Usually I have to work my way back s-l-o-w-l-y, pick them up from the dust whence I threw them to run screaming towards the hills, and start anew. By this time summer is ebbing and I only have four months to cram in a lot of personal goals and growth. I make some achievements and vow the rest for the New Year because, after all, “tomorrow is another day.”

Finally, finally, I have recognized this vicious cycle I have put myself in and now that I can take a step to the left an reexamine things before I enter the whirlpool of resolution hell, I am outlining the ways that I can make and keep my goals. Maybe something I’ve learned can help you, too.

Firstly, it’s vital that we do not beat ourselves up for not achieving what we meant to in the previous year. Reflect, but do not look back! Celebrate what we achieved and focus on the next step forward, don’t linger on the steps behind.
Example: Yes, getting a publishing deal would have been swell, but I’m not going to dwell on that. What I am going to do is praise myself for actually completing the book I want to eventually have published. Go, me!

Setting new goals means getting organized means having the correct tools to accomplish this and the most vital tool you can have is self-motivation. Self-motivation requires a lot of organization to see that we do not fall off track and fall into old habits.
Example: I need a schedule. I have too many projects going on and many things I need to accomplish each week, little steps that will lead to bigger steps that will lead to PROFIT! and a schedule is essential. I tried to keep a mental To Do list and it just didn’t work for me.

Once you have goals in mind, take the time to write out the steps you need to take on how to achieve this goal. Start with your broad, general goal and work your way back up, step by step. Place this outline where you can see it daily; print it out and tape it above your desk, bed, etc.

Often times physical organization leads to mental organization. If you can’t sort out everything, at the very least get your work space in order (the space that you are using to achieve your goals – be it a desk or work table or kitchen or keeping your gym clothes always ready to go if weight loss is your goal)
Example: In order to stick with the schedule I am making for myself to keep organized, I need to go out and buy a dry erase board and physically keep my schedule up so I stay on task.

There is danger in multitasking and spreading yourself too thin. If you have a lot on your plate as it is and you want to add Goal A, Goal B, Goal C take a step back, assess which Goal is the most vital (let’s say it’s Goal B), focus on there and once you build a comfortable enough momentum that incorporates your life responsibilities and the time set aside needed for Goal B, then attempt to add Goal A or C to the mix. Otherwise you’re just doing a juggling act – round and round it goes, getting nowhere.

Propel yourself forward and work the details out as you go along.
Example: For me, getting caught up in the pre-production of life has always been a major tripwire for me; I get too preoccupied with the outlining stage that I never actually produce anything. One of the rare instances when I took action was buying this domain and starting this blog. I thought and thought and thought and thought about it for nearly a year until finally one random day this summer I said SCREW IT and just went for it, adding details as I went along. If you’ve been with Glass of Win since it’s very beginning, you know the blog was not initially the focus – hell, it wasn’t even on the front page – but it evolved as such because I just kept chugging along, updating, tweaking, figuring out what I liked and what worked.
I am going to be constantly reminding myself not to over-analyze and to just go for it.

Accept that you cannot control everything in your life (this is my nice way of saying shit happens). It isn’t always possible to leave room in our busy schedules for a crisis, but do know that as long that everyone goes through them. You’ll get through it, you will grow from it, learn from it, and move on. I know you will.

Realize that there is no fairy godmother with a magic wand waiting for you in 2010, that your goals are your responsibility to maintain. You can’t expect magic; resolutions are a process. It isn’t going to happen overnight, either. Hell, it may not even happen in 2010, but as long as you are still on the path you want to be on and you got through as many steps as you could, you’re still on your way!

Make sure you are maintaining healthy, positive relationships that are mutually beneficial and satisfying. Nothing sucks worse than an energy vampire who drains you of your happiness and self-confidence every time you interact with them. If there is one vital lesson I had to learn the hard way it is that there are just some people in this world we cannot be around, no matter how much we want to love them and be a part of their lives. This can be a trying experience, but trust me, you need to let it go and chock it up to a life lesson. Your wounds will heal and all of that time you previously spent soaking in their negativity and turning it on yourself can now be put towards building new, positive relationships. There are many human beings on this planet – give some a chance. You may surprise yourself.

ASIDE: If you’re goal is weight loss/shaping up, permit to give you a mere whisper of advice: eat well. exercise. You need to change your life habits, not employ a temporary fix fad. Remember: you can’t spell diet without d i e

I have a bit of a confession to make now. The entire concept of New Year Resolution(s) kind of bothers me. Once you are resolved to do something, DO IT! What are you waiting for? Time is an illusion; there is no imaginary stopwatch in the sky holding you back from starting on your path to what you want to achieve, forbidding you to move forward until 12:00am January 1st hits your time zone. Life is trial and error, all you have to do is go for it.

Whatever your prospects are for 2010, I wish you all the utmost happiness and success. You can take that leap of faith (in yourself!) and you can achieve your goals. Happy New Year!

My holiday soap is full of Yuletide cheek

Christmas is right around the corner and many people are experiencing the holiday lull – that moment when things seem like they’re too overwhelming, too stressful, and too much trouble to deal with without having a nervous breakdown. In-laws, holiday parties, gift giving, food, cooking, cleaning, and having to be @#^! jolly while you’re at it. All you want to do is crawl under the covers and say Bah, Humbug!
For Grinch’s and Christmas enthusiasts, I’m here to list twelve ways to keep in the Christmas spirit without losing your mind (hopefully).

1. MUSIC: All right, I admit it, I love Christmas music, so it’s rarely a problem for me (unless it’s R&B). Most of my friends, however, want to grab a 12-gauge and climb the nearest tower. Who says you have to listen to saccharine sop? Put some holly on your funny bone and listen to these parody Christmas songs GRANDMA GOT RUN OVER BY A REINDEER by Dr. Elmo and I WANT A HIPPOPOTAMUS FOR CHRISTMAS by Gayla Peevy. If you’re more rock and roll, go with FATHER CHRISTMAS by The Kinks or my personal favorite CHRISTMAS WRAPPING by The Waitresses.

2. Are your hand-me-down decorations looking a bit shabby, or are you starting fresh in a new residence? Look no further than this handmade ornament tutorial at Paper*Cakes. Fun, inexpensive, easy, unique AND a great project with kids (age level at your discretion, I’d say nine and up) or friends.

3. Have some relatives over and can’t quite vocalize your Yuletide disgust? Make a quick run to the library or bookstore to grab Murder for Christmas: 26 tales of seasonal malice Includes works from authors Agatha Christie, Ellery Queen, Charles Dickens, and many more! My mom swears by this book. My personal favorite is Hogfather by Terry Pratchett in which Death dons the costume and task of the lovable Hogather, the Discworld’s version of our Santa Claus.

4. Still agonizing over what to get so-and-so? You don’t want it to be trite, or something they could get just anywhere? Something that plays to their interest (say, a love for sheep) and lets them know you took the time out to really show that you care? SHOP ETSY.
Their about page says it all, “Etsy is the world’s most vibrant handmade marketplace…Etsy provides a marketplace for crafters, artists and collectors to sell their handmade creations, vintage goods and crafting supplies.” Where else are you going to find unicorn earmuffs, Super Mario mushroom cuff links, Edward Gorey jewelry, and pottery made from recycled clay?

5. Put a unique spin on your holiday party! Throw a mock Midnight Mass! Turn it into a simple (but not overly complicated/obnoxious/expensive) theme party like asking your guests to wear a hat or red/green. Make food that can be made in advance and warmed in the oven before guests arrive, or have a potluck, a tea party, an appetizer party, a dessert party, a fondue party, or order take-out if you can’t be bothered. Have fun and do not end up spending all of your time in the kitchen instead of hanging out with your friends.

Everything tastes better when dipped in melted cheese.

6. While we’re still talking parties, know your friends and what they like in the way of entertainment. Are they an Apples to Apples kind of crowd? Christmas versions of the Who Am I game and Jeopardy! can be fun, too:
Who am I: For each party guest, take a note/index card, write the title of a holiday flick OR a famous Christmas motif (snowman, elves, etc)
and tape the card on the back of your guests. Have your guests ask questions that may only be answered with yes/no (20 questions style) as they try to figure out who/which title you have assigned them!
Holiday Jeopardy: Assign five categories (i.e: Christmas songs, movies, motifs, Santa lore, Christmas 101), each category containing five questions each with a bonus point number facing your “contestants” Have your guests answer in the form of a question, and have a bonus category & question waiting so that guests may wager what they have already racked up in the main round. It’s a lot of fun! Make sure to have someone keep score and a way to judge who gets to answer questions (bells, whistles, raising their hand, shouting out an assigned word)

7. Send out a snarky end-of-year letter to your friends and family along with an awkward photo of yourself or your grumpy pets in ridiculous costumes. You can use this letter my best friend wrote as an example. No, you don’t have to tell me how awesome she is. I already know.

8. Don’t bankrupt yourself on gift-giving. I don’t care how faux pas it sounds, but a group gift in the form of a dinner party or just simply spending quality time with your loved ones is profoundly special (unless these people are ungrateful, materialistic gift-mongers, in which case you’ll just have to trade them in for new family/friends).

9. Do not be afraid to let your personal taste and interests come out in full during the holidays. I once spent a Christmas with good people who had an iron miniature tree decorated with doll heads and an impaled Santa Clause atop.

Alternative Christmas cards from Nightmoth.co.uk

Why hope for a white Christmas when it can be a pink Christmas?

10. Remember to get in some personal time, especially when you’re being bombarded with holiday house guests. If they’re going out, find something relaxing to do at home (soak in a hot bath, get in some reading, work on personal projects, SLEEP IN!) or if the visitors are staying in, escape for a couple of hours (personal errands, go see a movie, treat yourself to a nice meal, a massage, a mani/pedi, a haircut, some time at the gym!) If you have to go out with them, make sure to split-up some of the time so you can get a breather (and some Dairy Queen). They plan to go see the 12:20 screening of Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel? You go see the 12:40 showing of Sherlock Holmes and meet them at the food court. You need to take care of yourself, too, and I think a large part of holiday stress is forgetting this.

11. Sick of Rudolph, James Stewart, “God bless us everyone,” and all the rest of the standard fare Christmas movies and TV? Rent off-beat Christmas movies such as National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, We’re No Angels (my family tradition), Black Christmas (original), Ernest Saves Christmas, Silent Night, Deadly Night, Die Hard (What? It’s totally a Christmas movie), Hogfather, and The Ref.

“Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker.”

12. Holiday drinks! Unwind with a little Yuletide cheer with some Egg Nog, Hot Buttered Rum, Hot Chocolate, Wassail, and our family tradition, Mulled Wine.

hot buttered rum

Remember that Christmas is but once a year and you have the power to make it memorable if you find that balance between giving unto others without compromising yourself to the point of wishing death unto others instead. Do not force yourself into traditional trappings, make Christmas your own, and truly have happy holidays!

Everyone has an individual perspective on various four-letter words, some that they feel are permissible to use in every day language, some that they have forbidden from their vocabulary. There is one four-letter word however that I feel everyone should not only have in their daily vocabulary, but should embody and push forward and use as much as they can, and that word is – yes, you guessed it – love.

There are love curmudgeons everywhere we go, people who feel that the word represents an emotion rarely felt, so it should be withheld for special occasions only, like fine china. They may fear that love is so delicate and are in a constant state of fear for being broken by misuse. I understand, my lovable love curmudgeons, that perhaps love was so rarely acknowledged in your life or maybe a piece of that fine china was broken once long ago and though glued back together, the cracks are still visible.

Can you imagine what joy life will bring once we loose our fear to say LOVE? A child free of inhibition will run around and tell you about all of the things they love – I love Dora! I love Mommy! I love candy! I love my kitty! I love my friends! I love teacher! I love books! – How lucky they are to be able to spread their love and joy with others. I encourage you to do the same, friends, despite the pain of unrequited or cracked love that the past has brought you. Love is simple in its complexity, and complex in its simplicity. It is in everyone and everything, and it matters not if it is your love of a book or for your spouse or child; love is a welling of positive emotion that yearns to be shared with the rest of the world. It inspires you to make an imprint in this world, and challenges you to not sink to negative retaliation when someone has wronged you.

Why show and spread your love outward, to everyone and everything? Why declare your love for all and anything that you find joy in? Because love is one of those rare universal languages that unites all cultures, all people, all religions, all species, all life on this planet and keeps us from destroying one another. Without it, we are doomed. Yes, there is greed, hate, selfishness, war, destruction, and evil in this world – but it is singularly love that keeps it bound and prevents it from spilling over and making those negative factors our demise. Yes, there are days when love does not win the battle – but ultimately, love will win out. I know this in my heart and soul, and I hope you do, too.

Remember: You can love again, and once the hurdle of hesitation has been jumped over, it will spill from your heart, to your lips, to the ears of those around you, and spread like a fresh breeze, encouraging others to share their love, too. Love is not just another four-letter English word; it is the essence of life all around.

Next week is Thanksgiving here in the United States, and it is usually a time when families take the opportunity to teach their kids about giving thanks for the blessings in their lives. In my family, when I was younger, we would hold hands at the bountiful dinner table and each of us would take turn saying what we were most thankful for. Now, as I am the youngest of my family, we’ve been out of practice of this tradition for well over fifteen years. I actually feel a twang of guilt and longing for the ritual, and perhaps this may be the year I revive it, as there is always something, rather someone, I am thankful for. My mom has been an anchor in my life for twenty-seven years and for that, for her, here are 27 ways I wish to thank her:

Thanks, Mom…for life. That was pretty swell of you.

Thanks, Mom…for being able to stay home with me as much as possible when I was little. I still have memories of helping you fold warm, clean laundry as we watched The Price of Right in your bedroom.

Thanks, Mom…for fighting tooth and nail to have the blood that would be used in my transfusion during my first open-heart surgery tested for the HIV virus, which you knew was not just a “gay man’s disease.”

Thanks, Mom…for that Rainbow Brite bedding set.

Thanks, Mom…for never saying a harsh or negative word about any group/individual based on their religion, culture, language, ethnicity, sexual orientation, generally anything but their individual character as you experienced.

Thanks, Mom…for all of that medical insurance you earned working a full time job in a retail setting. Without it, we’d still be paying off those other two open-heart surgeries.

Thanks, Mom…for Mr. Destiny. Best cat ever.

Thanks, Mom…for never hovering over me like a lot of mothers of sick children do; you let me roam about our neighborhood, explore, ride my bike, cross creeks and climb trees all I wanted.

Thanks, Mom…for that road trip across America with you and Mr. Destiny. We can still captivate audiences with tales of bison, bears, mountain roads, cat fights and dinosaurs.

Thanks, Mom…for pulling me out of school sometimes to keep you company on the road during our period of limbo.

Thanks, Mom…for the love of British television, gothic art, and a good mystery.

Thanks, Mom…for sending me to theater school and letting me discover the joys of acting.

Thanks, Mom…for never monitoring my reading material and making sure I was only reading books at the recommended reading level.

Thanks, Mom…for putting up with my junior high antics – including my junior high crowd – and for having the foresight to pull me out of school for those frightening months of medication testing.

Thanks, Mom…for moving us to a new city for high school and always being on my side during those rough four years.

Thanks, Mom…for driving me to the L.A. comic-book convention, Little Tokyo and the Los Angeles Public Library on what seemed like a bi-monthly basis.

Thanks, Mom…for sleeping on the couch for six years so we could live in a nice ZIP code.

Thanks, Mom…for realizing it was more than just nerves causing me not to drive. Your acceptance of this has meant more to me than words can say.

Thanks, Mom…for letting me go my own way.

Thanks, Mom…for driving two hours (each way) to the only hospital my insurance at the time dictated I could go to for several years.

Thanks, Mom…for supporting my involvement, and becoming involved yourself, in the non-profit organization that benefits the cardiac community I was born into.

Thanks, Mom…for loving my friends as much as I do.

Thanks, Mom…for being the first voice I heard after my last open heart surgery.

Thanks, Mom…for calling me when Mr. Destiny got sick, and for not leaving him in the care of strangers but in the comforts of his home, and for everything you did to help his passing be as easy for me as it was for him.

Thanks, Mom…for holding my hand during these difficult times when depression and anxiety plagues me from time to time.

Thanks, Mom…for supporting me every which way you can, be it the roof over my head, the food in our fridge, or the endeavors I take on.

Thanks, Mom…for wanting nothing more than my health and happiness, for accepting me as I am, and for your unconditional love.

QUESTION: Who are you most thankful for in your life?

P.S. Mom deserves an elaboration, complete with paragraphs:
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